Silent Agreement

“Silence means granting permission if it [said silence] is considered consent according to ‘urf” (Sonbol 48). Amira El-Azhary Sonbol discusses the implications of remaining silent, even in marriage contracts. Without voicing their opinions and objections, Middle Eastern women are bound by contracts to uphold marriages and other decisions that may not be favorable, not to mention harmful. However, in some cases if women raise their voices or talk back to a court official or family member, the consequences are far worse than agreeing through silence.

In Divorce Iranian Style, the court often asked why the woman wanted to be divorced and why she had not given her husband another chance. Questions addressing mediocre relationships, even abusive relationships, encourage women to give their husbands another chance in the name of family honor. What about the woman’s happiness and well-being? Although the number of prerequisites for women to file divorce in court has declined, and the option of a “no fault” divorce has surfaced through reforms, it is still difficult for a woman to succeed in court: “Most divorce cases initiated by women have languished in the courts, take as long as eight to ten years to resolve” (Singerman 165). Men, on the other hand, “have a unilateral right to divorce that they can exercise without being obliged to enter into a court preceding” (165).

Family law and personal status laws have evolved other the years, but there is still a long way to go. When a woman has to choose between a marriage, including the right to her dower and abuse, and a divorce, including shame, potentially losing custody of her children, and a lack of financial security how does she decide what to do? In the film, a woman was struggling to keep custody of her children because she had lost the right to them when she remarried. Regardless of the reason for divorce, the laws keep the woman from her children.

In the family court in Iran, divorce is so much of a he-said-she-said game it’s hard to determine truth. Then when the courts call for arbitration with family members, the woman is often left to fend for herself in a room full of male family members, determining her monetary worth and if she could possibly get the dower, which she gave up rights to by continuing with the divorce. Even if it’s not the woman’s “fault” for the divorce, she is left paying a price for a decision to marry a man she probably did not choose.

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud

was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

- Anais Nin

"A Way of a Woman is Beyond Our Understanding"

Western interpretations of the Middle East, as explained and depicted by Homa Hoodfar, and Tania Kamal-Eldin, have objectified and degraded Muslim women. Hoodfar, through “The Veil in Their Minds and on Our Heads: Veiling Practices and Muslim Women,” discusses the ignorance the Western feminists have towards Muslim traditions and society: “As Muslim feminists have often asked must racism be used to fight sexism?” (422). Just because there is a lack of understanding, Western feminists judge Muslim women for their traditions, specifically their veils. Rights and suffrage are different to everyone, men and women, people of different races and beliefs.

Hollywood Harems depicts Muslim women as exotic and provocative, enjoying the constraints placed on them by patriarchal society. Even the relationships between men and women are misconstrued, portraying a fantasy world. Hollywood used Middle Eastern plots to bend sexual censorship, like in Arabian Nights and Cleopatra. The damsels in distress scenes heightened the view of white, Western males as saviors. Hoodfar also touches on the falsification of Middle Eastern traditions and women’s roles. In many cases women live in rural areas, working in the home and fields, but travelers claim those instances are the exception and the elitist habits are actually the norm (426). Similarly, the traditions and styles of the veil have changed, but Western media has not changed its interpretation of the veil.

Western interpretations of the Middle East do not recognize the differences in value systems and traditions. Feminism has a different meaning to every woman in the West, just as it does around the world. To judge how a woman views her equality and rights without understanding her daily life, traditions, values, and religion is ignorant and degrades her since of self.

"When you are silent, it speaks"

Rhoda Kanaanen prefaces “We’ll Talk Later” by saying, “To any Palestinian women who read my tale in this form, I do not speak for you. Speak for yourself” (264). The concept of having rights is different for everyone. As individuals we prioritize the importance of certain rights over others. For example, for one individual the right to vote may be the most important, but to another the right to leave the house without permission may be the most important. When Kanaanen says that she is not speaking for any other woman, she is expressing her personal view as to what is important as a woman’s right.

Women’s Chit Chat explores the struggle women in the Middle East face when deciding to work. Prioritizing their family and their job can sometimes bear more weight in oppressing women, than giving them the opportunity to step outside the house. In many cases, becoming a professional does not mean that household duties are cleared from women’s list of responsibilities. Having to deal with a career and household duties is a large, tiresome, and time-consuming weight to bear.

Kanaanen retells her aunt’s story in “We’ll Talk Later”, including her own asides and conversations with her uncle. When he asks her why she wants to retell the story, Kanaanen responds with, “I want those traditions to be traditions of hope and triumph, not submission” (263). Through Sackcloth she is able to express femininity without oppression, submission, and dependence. The notions of femininity and masculinity tie individuals to larger groups, dissipating any independence or individuality, which is largely depicted quite literally through stories and films. In the chapter on “Violence Against Women,” Gonul Donmez-Colin refers to the story of Fatma and Osman, in which Fatma is repeatedly kidnapped and tied to Osman.

Donmez-Colin discusses the idea that “men do to women as the state does to them” (89). The reason for the rape and abuse, the yearning for submission is because the state has ultimately raped males of their own freedoms and self-control. Lina Khatib also talks about the depiction of political statements through the relationships between men and women: “The way masculinity or femininity is represented can dictate political statements” (102). Women’s lives are also dictated; they are dictated by the nation and by men. Unable to break free of femininity, they are left with internal emptiness. Cheng-tao-ke describes the intangible femininity women experience:

You cannot take hold of it,

But you cannot lose it.

In not being able to get it, you get it.

When you are silent, it speaks;

When you speak, it is silent.

Out of reach, femininity no longer belongs to the females. It is a product of national and male dominance that cannot be escaped. Careers and education do not mean freedom; they mean more work, more ties to the nation and to males. For ties to be broken, women need to speak up as individuals part of a larger group, and they need to recognize that opinions differ, but if they can find one common goal, maybe they can take the first step as women and as a woman.